and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
