I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
