She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
