It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
high people should be assigned attendants
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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