yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
