dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is wine microwaveable?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
