well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
