Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
