I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
