I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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