Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
