it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
