if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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