You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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