ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
