Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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