So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
