I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
