why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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