He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I cockslap morals
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
