Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
