My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
