just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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