what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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