operation have a gay friend backfired
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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