Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
