you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
