dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
