I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
