He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
soo... how was my night?
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