I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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