I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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