He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
