i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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