Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
