Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
