it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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