Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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