hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
