i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
