sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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