direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
