you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
