Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
