Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize