So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
a search helicopter?!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
