My hand turned me down
Duck Duck Cougar?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
