guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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