I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He? As in you personified your dick?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
