It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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