We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
