Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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