there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
