I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize