you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
