i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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