Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
