Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
