Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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