White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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