we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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