I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
