She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
