He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
