I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A bitchslap is in order.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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