So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
