I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
