We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
