this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
