quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
