He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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