Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
