I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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