Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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