Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize